Delusions
by Achromaticphoenix
Summary: Tetsuhiro Morinaga is an optimistic man, always happy, until one day, his story is completely exposed to Souichi. All the memories of his rough past are brought back, and it gets even worse with the past refreshed in his mind when Souichi starts an argument that's different from the ones before. Some bits of the story are based off of the manga, such as the prologue.
1. Prologue

"Morinaga! Get off me! We're on school-grounds, for fuck's sake." As always, the harsh voice of the tyrant barked at the submissive pup-dog. But Tetsuhiro refused to obey his orders this time, to the point where he was peeled and pushed off with all of Souichi's might. Souichi, like any other Japanese man, may have been cautious about Public Display of Affection - of course, especially as someone who dreaded being seen with another man that way after confirming his homophobia - but Tetsuhiro couldn't help himself.  
He needed the touch, to hold the man he loved in his arms… Souichi, that was.  
"Geez…" The older man was surprisingly short, for his age and the rampaging violence from his nature. He looked up at Tetsuhiro who stood closely behind him. "What's wrong with you, Morinaga?" He groaned harshly as he dropped himself back into the seat he usually stayed in to continue his experiments. "You've been glued to me a lot more than usual these past few weeks."

Souichi was right. There was something wrong. It was unusual for Morinaga, a generally optimistic and positive man, to be wearing the grim expression he currently carried, and have it plastered to his face for the past two weeks. But he didn't want to tell Souichi, as it had nothing to do with him in the first place. It wasn't something Souichi could understand; why his own older brother, - who had practically forced Tetsuhiro out of their hometown like a parasite from plants, once he was of legal age - had been bombarding him with calls. Calls to invite him back to the hellhole with the close-minded society, only to attend a wedding for a man he didn't even care for.  
"Just… family problems." Was the only way he could put it. A heavy sigh was heaved from his lips. There was no way in hell, for him to attend his elder brother's wedding. (Sure, good for him, live a happy life, move on, perhaps, kill off the rumors created about the family because of me.) He thought to himself, the whole problem clouding up his mind. (Shit) The wedding had nothing to do with Tetsuhiro himself, so why the hell was his older brother inviting him? No, it wasn't his older brother. It was their parents. Of course.  
Even a man like Kunihiro at least knew that inviting him back to the hometown wouldn't silence the rumors for good, but only reawaken them, like a wild beast, whose slumber got disturbed.  
"Morinaga." Just then, a voice pierced him in the midst of his thoughts. Looking up, his sempai Souichi was eyeing him from head to toe as he stood over him. "It's unusual for you to be talking about family matters. Did something happen? No. I mean what, happened?"  
Even though the issue was really wasting his time, and was struggling for a way to just get his family out of his life, Souichi's voice managed to lighten his spirits. It made smiling easier, even though half of it was a façade. Pulling up a half-hearted grin, his eyes remained averted, facing the test-tubes and petri dishes laid out before him on the experiments table. "It's nothing too big to worry about, sempai. These things rarely happen, so I just have to wait out until the problem's solved. Don't worry about it."  
"Tch." Roughly clicking his tongue, Souichi slammed a fist down on the table, and the test tubes shook in their racks. Nearly making Tetsuhiro jolt, he faced him with a frustrated look, as if he wasn't seeing something that was obvious as hell. "These kinds of problems are rare, that's why it _must_ be something to worry about!"  
"Sempai…" Souichi's actions and expression slightly surprised Tetsuhiro. (He's worried about me?)

*Bell rings, indicating lunch time*

- Time skip -

"Go ahead, fucking withdraw from the university, or whatever, I don't give a good goddamn about the contract!" Souichi screamed at Tetsuhiro as he left the latter outside the science lab alone on the floor.  
(There's a devil with me here in the university) Tetsuhiro thought to himself, sighing. Here we go again. (You're so mean, sempai…)  
Just when he was about to get up to do something else while Souichi calmed down, the door to the lab reopened and Tetsuhiro looked up. The devil himself stood there, he was going to say something. (Is he going to apologize?) Letting his guard down, Tetsuhiro raised his expectations a tad too high.  
"Ah, right, Morinaga…" Souichi's deep voice, calm again echoed in Tetsuhiro's ears.  
"Yes, sempai?"  
"Um… I spilled my coffee on you earlier, and…"  
"Yes, what about it?" Keeping a blank face, the thought repeated in his head. (He's going to apologize isn't he, it's gotta be an apology.)  
"Go buy me another one." With that, the door slammed back shut, with Souichi trapped in his own world away from Tetsuhiro again.  
(Man, it's sempai. Why'd I expect anything? He's so meeaaann…) Breathing out a ragged sigh, Tetsuhiro got back up and headed to the cafeteria. Taking out his wallet, there was the sound of the fabric rustling against his jeans. (One hot coffee coming up for the Devil of the university. What a fucking tyrant. But then again, to me, he'll always be my, tyrant. Nobody else's.)  
Tetsuhiro reached the vending machine, wallet in one hand, the other raised with the index finger sticking out, ready to push the button once found. (It was a stupid thing to say though, I gotta admit. Even though I would consider ourselves sex friends, he's sempai. He won't accept reality as long as it's got to do with homosexuality.)  
Beep.  
The coffee rolled out below the vending machine, making a low sound as it hit the bottom. Bending over to pick it up, a familiar voice suddenly called out his name. "Tetsuhiro."  
Tetsuhiro froze, his mind activating, reaching for his memory to find who that voice belonged to. His blood ran cold as he realized the owner of that voice, was none other than the man whom he had been frustrated with for the past few weeks, his elder brother.  
Looking up, there was the sight of a man, stern features fixated to his face, business suit all tucked in with the jacket hanging over one arm. Glasses settled in front of those dull, emotionless eyes. He was right.  
Kunihiro Morinaga.  
"It's been a while." His heart beat faster with negative anxiety, as the same unpleasant voice reached his ears.  
"Nii-san… Why…" '_are you here._' was supposed to be the rest of his sentence, but his mouth wouldn't follow his brain.

- meanwhile -

"Tch. How long should it take for one guy to get one cup of coffee?" Roughly abandoning his seat, he rushed past the door, pushing it aside, and barged through the hallways to find wherever the hell Tetsuhiro was.  
Whilst passing by, a familiar face showed up, smiling amidst a chat. He recognized that face from a distance. "Oi, you're Yamaguchi, aren't you?"  
"Ah, Tatsumi-san…" Yamaguchi responded.  
"Have you seen Morinaga anywhere?"  
"Oh yeah, he's in the cafeteria. He's got a visitor at the moment."  
"Thanks." (visitor? Who could that be…?) approaching the entrance of the cafeteria, there wasn't much chatter going on, and he could already distinctly hear Morinaga's voice. The cafeteria was nearly empty except for some classmates, Morinaga, and the unknown 'visitor'.  
To his disappointment, it wasn't anybody Souichi himself knew. Without intention, some of the words had been caught by his ears-

"It was that. Your way of thinking, that was what drove Masaki to desperation, wasn't it?" Tetsuhiro's voice.  
At that moment, the visitor violently arose from his seat, grabbed the glass of water that stood on the table between the two, and splashed every last drop at Tetsuhiro's face. (?!) A gasp escaped Souichi's lips momentarily at the sight. The few tables around theirs stopped their conversations, to turn and look at the center with silence, where Tetsuhiro and the visitor were.

"The one who drove Masaki to desperation was _you._" The stranger's tone was slightly stretched at the last word, as if attempting to shame Tetsuhiro. "Tell me his address. It's nothing personal, I just want to invite him to the ceremony."

Face down, Tetsuhiro snickered at the last few words from the visitor. Such a sight slightly surprised Souichi. He hadn't seen such a side to his companion, his submissive, always helpless kouhai and assistant. It was the way Tetsuhiro pulled a visible grin whilst having his face down, covered in the shame of water that had been poured on him.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Anyway, no, I really don't have his address."

"Listen, I'm staying for about another week at the business hotel in front of the station. Between now and the days I have left, I really hope you consider about going to the ceremony." Though he was shamelessly persistent, his tone and expression showed no personal desire to see Tetsuhiro's face any time soon.

That was the last sight of communication seen, before the man in the suit stormed out of the room. Gradually, the volume of the cafeteria creeped back to its' previous atmosphere's level, but with a hint of discreteness as if to speak of the event they had all just witnessed.

Realizing he stood there motionless, Souichi snapped out of staring at Tetsuhiro with his mouth simply gaped open. But how would he approach him?

"Ah… Morinaga… !" At the end of his first few words, he noticed a single droplet trickle down Tetsuhiro's cheek, that wasn't a part of the water that had just been hurled at him to the face. His glasses shone in amazement for a moment. (He's… Crying?)

Startled, Tetsuhiro returned to his usual panicked, nervous self. "Hah?! Whoa! Ah- Ano, Sempai! Why are you here?"

Not sure if it was the right way to reply, he simply answered "You were taking a while with the coffee, so…"

"Ah, yes… About that." Getting up, the two men with a confused relationship (or in Souichi's perspective, friendship) went to finish their business.

Back at the science lab, Souichi allowed some questions slip from his mouth, not even caring that it would indicate that he had slightly eavesdropped, and caught some of the things they said.

"Who's the visitor?"

"That was my older brother, Kunihiro."

"So… Who's Masaki?"

There was an abrupt pause, as Tetsuhiro looked up from the experiment he was conducting simultaneously. "The first love of my life, before you, Sempai." Widening his eyes, Souichi was a little shocked to hear so. "Back in my hometown, the society there was a bit closeminded. When I first met Masaki-san, it was through my brother, as they were best friends."

"Hm…" Souichi was listening quietly.

"We were really happy together, even as friends in elementary. I started going out with him when I was a third year in middle school, and he was a second in high school. Knowing how closeminded the society was, we were as discrete as possible in the relationship. But you know, these things always get from one place to another, somehow. Real quick, too." A sigh. "One day, Kunihiro trusted the rumors, and in desperation, well…" He didn't want to say the next part. That was when the wound would be reopened again. The one wound that had never healed, that would be torn open wider with just mentioning it no matter how much time had passed.

"Morinaga?" Souichi looked next to him from his seat, studying Tetsuhiro's face with a concerned expression, a look he didn't often wear on his face for the sake of others.

No.

Tetsuhiro couldn't let him know his feelings right now, they'd only get in the way. Forcing them out of his mouth as if nothing was wrong, "He walked in on us making love." He blurted out. "I was already prepared for the usual shit, condemnation, scorn, what fucking ever he was about to say, but… Masaki-san turned out to be different."

Souichi was stunned silent by his words. He could only imagine what could've happened after, how traumatizing such an event would be, for it to burn into one's mind.

"At that moment, he just broke down, started crying, after my brother left the room. The words he heard from Kunihiro just broke his heart. 'Masaki, go home… Get out of this house!' After saying that, he got to his hands and knees, crying as he confessed to me once Kunihiro left the room. He told me that all this time, the one he really loved was my brother. So in the end, I came to the conclusion that I was a replacement for my brother. But even so, Masaki was crying, apologizing for everything. He didn't mean to hurt me, and I knew that it must've been more painful for him. Because he told me that if Kunihiro hated him, he couldn't go on living."

Souichi's eyes widened as he said so. "So a few days later, Masaki-san slashed his wrists."

"Did he die?" The question came instantly out of Souichi's mouth.

Smiling warmly, Tetsuhiro replied "No. Fortunately the attempt failed. I tried visiting him a few times in the hospital, but they wouldn't let me in. Even at school, the class was informed that he had just transferred to another school, just like that."

"Oh…" Looking down, Souichi let in some air between the conversation.


	2. Chapter 1

Tetsuhiro's POV

"Sempai! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I could hear the desperation in my own voice, and I was sure I sounded pathetic to him. I clung to his arm, right when I was running out of breath, after chasing him down the street when he saw me walking out of the door with Masaki.

"Shut up! Let go of me!" He roughly brushed off my grip, like he was smacking my hand away. He didn't want to hear any of it. But I had to make him understand, because it was nothing like what was probably clouding up his thoughts right now. I could tell from the heat slowly rising in his temperature; he was furious with me.

This was bad.

"Sempai! Please wait! It just seemed like he had a really important matter to discuss with me, so I just heard him out! I really mean it when I say there's no hidden feelings behind all of this." But all that did seemed to fire him up even more.

Quickly turning to me, he stopped dead in his tracks, and so did I. It was like he had some reverse-magnetic force against me, keeping me from touching him in his anger. "That is _not_ what this is about, you asshole!" He ran off to our apartment.

I lost count already, for how many times I had called out to him, begged him to stop and listen, but until we walked into the door, his hearing was completely blocking out everything that came from my mouth. At least, I _thought_ he'd listen, but I was wrong. "Please, listen to what I have to say."

"Enough. I'm going to bed." He brushed me off like that, but I wouldn't have any of it either.

"Please… At least allow me to apologize properly!" Those words seemed to have caught his attention, because his whole body turned over to me, frozen still, allowing me to continue. Taking it as a chance, I quickly put together the words so as to not let the chance slip by. He was finally going to listen.

"I'm sorry. I know you told me not to meet him again, and I just undermined that."

"What's with the 'he's not someone you know' that you said earlier today?" He glared at me, like it was a challenge, though I knew it was everything but that. I had told him this morning I had to meet up with someone tonight, and I had lied about him not knowing that person. "Did you want to meet him that badly?"

"No! Sempai…" This had to work out. It just had to. "I really didn't have any intention of meeting him from my own, but over the phone it seemed like such a serious matter. In an instant, I immediately remembered what happened in our past, and I thought right there, that I couldn't leave such a serious matter. So I thought it was the right thing to do…"

"The hell?…" Sempai just lay against the wall, arms crossed, shoulders sunk to their lowest level. Even his face was looking down, as if a whole weight had been put upon him. "His actions aren't gonna make much of a difference, so he's got nothing to do with you whatsoever anymore."

"Yeah, that's true. But, I just didn't think that far ahead!" At that moment, his eyes shot up and they pierced me. It gave away within moments that I had chosen the wrong words.

"Well, then so be it! Do whatever you want!" No. Those weren't the words I wanted to hear from him. He was already beginning to walk away. I was losing him as every second passed by. It just looked like he was going to disappear right now, if I didn't stop him. I won't let it happen, not under my watch.

"Sempai! Please!" I grabbed his hand, which fit perfectly in my larger grip.

"What the fuck- let me go!" But I only put my other hand around it too, so I was sure that I had him.

"Sempai… I'm being honest, there were no hidden feelings or ulterior motives behind this. I should've just told you and explained, maybe then things wouldn't have had to go this way. I'm sorry, I lied and deceived you. This won't happen a second time. I promise." It was like I was making a contract with him, and I was sure as hell about what I was saying. But then, something happened which was unforeseen.

"You still have one more thing you've kept from me." What? What secret? I was sure I'd told him everything else. What could he be implying?

"But sempai, I've told you everything else. What else could I be hiding?" Averting his eyes from me, I could sense the tension in his voice as he grimly droned out:

"The job… Offer." A lightning struck my heart.

"That… It was undecided, Sempai! That was why I didn't tell you at the time."

"So what? You went and told Yamaguchi, when you were my fucking assistant? I'm the one who has the closest relationship with you, I'm supposed to hear it first!"

"Like I said, it was undecided! If I had accepted it, we'd no longer have the relationship we have now. What we currently have would be gone. I was only trying to consider your feelings for me. If I didn't accept the job, I would've gotten to stay at the university, because there'd be nothing else to keep us together other than that. But if you accepted my feelings, I probably would've accepted the job offer, so I could support you financially."

A pause, as his eyes widened to what I said, his posture straightening with anxiety.

"What… Are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying, that our income at the moment is a bit unstable. I'm aware of that. So if I manage to stabilize it, you could continue your research with ease."

"_Fuck_ you!" His fist was brought down to the table beside him, hard. The whole room echoed with the clatter of objects on the surface he had impacted, and the sudden fury that rose from him, colliding with the table. "Just what do you take me for? Why… Would I need… You to support me financially?" His tone was getting hoarse, and I could tell he was edging towards losing it. I made the wrong step again.

"I'm just trying to say realistically, research doesn't bring in a lot of money-"

"I can fucking take care of myself even without you, Morinaga!" His face was looking down again, voice like thunder upon the ground. "Just what the hell do you take me for?" Goddammit, this guy really considers about his pride a lot. I had to show him that I respected that. But it was no use, I knew that I was losing him.

"I love you, sempai. All I want is for us to be together."

"So is this what it's like, for us to be _together_? Lying, deceiving, or, oh! Are you trying to imply that being together means I let you support me financially while I let you fuck me whenever you want?"

No. _No…_ None of this was true. Sempai, he has his pride and everything but… Did he hate it that much?

The horror of a new realization, a new discovery that I had dreaded, washed out through me from the bottom of my chest, where all my pain could be felt.

"Sempai, please don't say it like that…" _I'm losing him_. The reality was hitting me stronger by each second. "You make it sound like that's all I'm after. I told you before, the night after the fire. I don't just want your body, what I want even more is your heart, your mind. I've just… Tried my best, looking out for your feelings recently!" My voice was getting thick, as my tear ducts began to loosen up, threatening me.

"What the fuck, Morinaga? Just _when _have you considered my feelings? There hasn't been a single fucking time I've done it with you because I _want_ to!" The purpose for me to continue the argument was fading away. By saying things like this, he was only confirming that he didn't want me. No. That's not how he feels. It can't be. _Yes it is. You're gonna have to accept that._ Some how, the bottom part of my mind was agreeing with him too.

"But, lately you've accepted my feelings a little more, isn't that right? You were even jealous of Masaki-san before, and told me not to meet him after…"

"Stop making up bullshit, just to conveniently interpret things to yourself! I was only worried you'd get sucked into a mess bigger than the one you were already in! More importantly, enough with this fucking bullshit about _love_!"

That did it. He didn't consider it as love. So he really meant it. He didn't need me. I was only an intruder to his life. Come to think of it, apart from my feelings for him, why was I even here?

_Go home… Get out of this house!_

The words Kunihiro said to Masaki before. Sempai was practically saying it to me, only the 'house' was his life. Tears began to well up, as I looked down in an effort to hide it. Killing down the sadness in my voice, I saved the crying for when I would get out of the house.

Storming through the door, I thought I had saw Masaki by the entrance. His eyes looked at me showing great concern, his lips half open like he was either gaping with shock, or about to say something. I didn't feel like it. I just had to get away.

"Ngh…" Fuck. The sobs were coming up. "Ugh… Nhh…" I began sniffling as muffled slips of my voice escaped me. Continuing down the hallway, out of the room, I got to the stairs and bolted down, before anyone who could be nearby could see my face.

Sitting in the park, on a bench, I was all alone. For the first time, I wanted that, even though it was for a moment. Even though deep down, I wanted sempai.

My mind was racing with thoughts of what Masaki could be doing up there, what Souichi was probably doing, not caring that I'd be out here. It was time to try and calm down. I had to think, whether I'd like my thoughts or not. The first question instantly popped into my head. _Why are you in his life?_

I had to find an answer for it. If I couldn't find an answer apart from my own feelings for him, it would only confirm that Sempai never needed me._ Didn't he like me at some point? He had to, for him to care so much about who I saw, what I hid… That's right, he had to._

But the question only came back at me. _Then why did he say those things earlier? It was clear that apart from seeing you as a troubled friend, he doesn't care, doesn't need you, especially not for financial support._

_I… I just thinks maybe sempai got upset because I didn't consider his pride there?_

_Then, what do you take him for? _

_I… I love him… That's all I know._

_But does he love you?_

_Didn't he? At some point?_

_If he did, do you think he'd have said at the last bit, to tell you to stop that bullshit about love?_

_I guess not…_

_So admit it, does he love you or not?_

_He doesn't love… He…_

_Go on, accept it._

_He doesn't… Love me._

_That's right, so how are you going to move on, once you accept this?_

_I think I'll go back to pretending to be friends with him._

_So you're just going to go back to university, to meet his face everyday, and rather feel pain?_

_…_

_So what does this mean, when he says he doesn't love you?_

_It means… It… Means… I have to just be friends._

_But can you handle it?_

_I don't think I can…_

_Do you want the most painless way out?_

_… __Yes._

_End it all._

At the last thought, I froze. It was like there was an actual other person living inside me. But then, I thought about it. It couldn't only be my subconscious. The subconscious knew it all, that's why it could say all these things. It knew that Sempai didn't love me, that I was just conveniently interpreting everything to fit my wishes. Conveniently interpret it… So it seemed real.

_Does that mean… _I began to ask myself.

_That it was all a delusion? Yes._

_No._

_Yes._

_It can't be._

_But it is._

_How can it be?_

_You thought he loved you, when it was so clear that he was struggling away from you all this time. He never wanted to do it with you once, remember? It was always you who asked him._

So I guess it was it.

If Sempai doesn't love me, all there was left would be pain.

The last thing I wanted for anybody, including myself.

So how could I get rid of it?

Sleep. You can't feel anything in your sleep.

How long?

Forever.

Was this what I wanted, though?


	3. Chapter 2

_Yes, it is._  
No, you're going a little too deep into this.  
_Then think about the people around you, outside this delusion you created._  
Outside… The delusion?  
_Yes. While you have been imagining things, such as Sempai's non-existent love for you, people around you have also had their own feelings for you._  
What does it mean? How is that related?  
_Once you realize how they feel, you'll understand that this is for the better._  
Killing myself?  
_Yes._  
But How?  
_It's simple. Nobody wanted you from the start._  
What?  
_Oh, think about it. Those times you were bullied, when everyone wanted you out of the hometown. Not even your parents wanted you._  
There were other people who needed my presence! Masaki needed me-  
_You were merely a replacement for your brother, someone who also didn't need you anyway._  
_  
_

Getting up absentmindedly from the park bench, I went to the nearest drug store. It was time I'd buy some medicine.  
_  
_  
_Good. Medicine worked really well, when it came to making you feel better. And considering the amount of discomfort you're about to be in now, emotionally, you need as much as possible, to numb the pain once and for all._  
What am I doing? I shouldn't let the past affect me!  
_Oh, but it's true, Tetsuhiro. Nobody wanted you anyway, and even after five years, being close companions with each other, even your sempai doesn't want you._  
Still, it's the past. I should move on, find something else to hope on.  
_But it's been so long, and after your search for someone who'd properly accept you, have you found anyone?_  
No, not yet, but I'll find somewhere, or someone that will accept me for who I am.  
_But ever since birth, it's been years, if it's this long, shouldn't it be a sign? No matter how long you search for, it's no use. Do you want to go through more years of fruitless searching?_  
It can't be fruitless. But just difficult.  
_But would you really want to drop everything you have here, right now, just to find something, start anew? Forget your bonds with sempai, finding another school, leaving this place…_  
You're right, all of it's too difficult…

Souichi's POV  
The door slightly opened, and I heard footsteps coming in behind me. What the fuck did that kid want? For God's sakes, I'm his senior, goddammit! Treat me with a little more respect and self awareness, that you know your place, will you?  
Turning around, I saw one of the last people I expected to approach me. Masak-san stood with a disappointed expression, near the door. What the hell was he doing here? Did he follow us?  
"You really shouldn't have said all that." Was the first thing that flowed out of his lips. An opposition to me, on the first proper conversation we share. That could never lead to something good.  
"You! Just when did you come in? I said I'd beat you down the next time you showed your face around me! Besides, who the hell do you think you are, intruding someone's house like that?"  
"The door was left open." He pointed out calmly. This man, his tone was so calm it was pissing me off. "I was afraid I'd cause you to misunderstand what happened between Tetsuhiro and I, so I followed you here, but I guess that's far from the point now."  
But I stayed silent, simply glaring at him, and I could feel the anger draw itself on my face as I did so. I let him go on. "I'm already here so I might as well say this. Tetsuhiro really did have no intention to meet me, but I insisted, so that was the only reason we went to the cafe. So really, there were no feelings in this."  
"That's not something I'd fucking care about!"  
"Doesn't seem like it to me, considering your reaction when you saw us together."  
"Tch." I roughly clicked my tongue, a snarl rising in my throat. "What I feel is none of your goddamn business! Get the hell out!"  
Ignoring me, Masaki continued. "I really don't get it. Are you two in a relationship, or not?"  
A small confusion began to bubble up in me. What was this guy getting at? It was a completely different topic. "You guys are sleeping together, but you're not in a relationship. You hate having sex with him, yet you live under the same roof. So full of contradictions, aren't you?"  
That did it. Masaki, as a fucking stranger meeting me for only the second time, was already judging for himself what was going on, when nobody gave him the goddamn permission to stick his nose in. Who the fuck was he, God?  
"That's between me and Morinaga." I tried to hold down the snapping in my voice. Stay calm, your blood pressure's visibly rising.  
"I just want Tetsuhiro to be happy." At that moment, my head shot right back up, and barked at him.  
"_Pretty fucking contradicting,_ coming from you! Have you forgotten what you put him through?"  
"No, I haven't. Which is why I'm willing to look into this, even though what I say might piss you off." He was prepared at every corner, every place I try to poke at him back. "I'll admit I don't know how you guys have been every second up till now, but please…" What he said next phased me. "Go after him, hold onto him,and don't let the chance to apologize slip away." I was staring blankly at him, all my anger suddenly evaporated into thin air, all that remained was confusion and shock. "Otherwise you'll regret this for years to come, like me."  
But all I did was keep my lips sealed, and the same was done by the man who was standing opposite me.  
We stayed like that for a while, and when I did nothing…  
"You know what, I'll go instead."  
"What?" I looked up from thinking.  
"If you're incapable of making him happy, I'll go instead."  
"Hold yourself right there! Not like you're fricking capable of making him happy either." The anger and defeat exposed itself in my tone again, but I didn't care who was winning or not at the moment. It was about Morinaga.  
"You're right." He admitted. But his expression showed no hesitation in what he was going to do. "You're the one he loves, after all. But I might be able to at least comfort him a lot better than you could right now." With that, he reopened the door from which he intruded, and headed back down in a bolt."  
"Just, stop! Masaki-" But he was gone.

I was such an idiot, and the shame began to wash over me. Not this feeling, anything but this. Please.  
Should I have gone down?

Tetsuhiro's POV

The only easy way out.  
_I love you, Souichi Tatsumi._ _It hurts, but that's okay, we'll both be happy soon. You won't have to get angry and stressed over my presence anymore. I'll be happy too… Because that's the day I stop feeling the pain._  
But was it really worth it?  
_Sure it is._ My hand grabbed the bottle of aspirin from the nearest shelf in the drug store. I didn't bother paying for it, just bolted out of the store.  
"Hey! Just what are you- Somebody stop him!" The man at the counter shouted.  
_Oh, you won't need to, don't even bother. You won't get the money from me, ever._  
I could hear some people chasing me down the street. What are you doing, Tetsuhiro?  
_The right thing, finding the only available door._  
Why did I have to choose this?  
_The reason's all in your past, and now, it's just came back because you refused to realize so._  
My subconscious was right. It was all so obvious; the memories played back in my head as I continued to run, whilst prying open the aspirin bottle.  
"Hey! Stop!" The man behind me shouted. "Tetsuhiro! Stop!" My heart thudded. _Masaki?_  
It didn't matter. Turning a couple corners, I tried to lose him. It didn't work, but at least it slowed him down.  
_Everyone was right about you, Tetsuhiro. When everyone found out you were gay._  
_'Fag!'_  
_'Fucking pervert!'_  
_'Masaki wouldn't have had to go through all of that, if you hadn't tried seducing him against his will!'_  
The voices, of classmates whose faces or names I couldn't remember, began to rewind in my brain.  
_Stop. Please. Stop_. I didn't want this anymore. Just hurry up and take them.  
My hand reached into the bottle and took the first handful of pills, shoved them in my mouth as I half choked, tears stinging my eyes. They still went down my throat, dry.  
"Tetsu-!… Ro! Tetsuhi…" The sound of Masaki's voice was blotted away with the static going on in my mind. My hand reached down, grabbed more pills, and threw them all into my mouth again. I could already feel the pain clouding up in my stomach.  
A film of sweat began to seep through the pores on my back, the pores on my head.  
"Hiro… Te… Ro… Tetsuhiro!" Masaki's voice was getting louder. Of course. I was starting to slow myself down this time. My feet wouldn't hold on for much longer, as I began to fall to my knees.  
_That's right, like a good boy, keep falling, keep taking the medicine. It will work very soon. Very, very soon…_  
Masaki caught up to me, getting on all fours beside my now weaker body. My weak, trembling hand brought the third handful to my mouth, and before all of them could go down my throat, Masaki slapped my hand away.  
"Itaiyo… Masaki…"

Masaki's POV

That fucking idiot! What was he doing?! I knew the argument was big, but I had never expected it to reach that far through his heart for him to do such a thing.  
"Tetsuhiro! Tetsuhiro!" I neared his falling body, as he got lower and lower, until he was lying on the side of the road, handful of pills to his mouth, the bottle in his other hand. Enraged, I slapped the shit of an invention out of his hand. _Fucking aspirins. Why did they have to exist?_ I half blamed mankind for accepting such a risky invention, but that wasn't the point right now.  
"Itaiyo… Masaki…" His voice was hoarse, weak. It was Japanese… _It hurts, Masaki…_ I understood it. "Itai… It…taiyo…"  
"Of course it fucking hurts! Why would you do that? Your fucking sempai is just an idiot who simply took it too far from getting angry after just seeing us! It's my fault, why'd you have to put the blame on yourself?!" I roughly grabbed the back of Tetsuhiro's head, holding it up with my left hand, as my right hand wrapped around his upper body so he's be half sitting up.  
It was heavy, but I had to hear his last words, in case he didn't make it. "_Somebody! Somebody! Call an ambulance! Please!"_ People around the street looked over at us, and I looked back down at Tetsuhiro's face, warped with pain. His eyes were only half open, and so was his mouth.  
I could feel his pulse slowing down, with him in my arms. His breath was weakening, slowing its' pace, too.  
"No. It hurts even more in my head." He managed to breathe out. "Nobody wanted me anymore…"  
"What the fuck are you talking about?" The weak smile floating to his lips sent goosebumps down my flesh, as a chill of horror ran down my spine. I broke out in a cold sweat.  
"My brother, my parents… My classmates… They all hated me, they probably still do…"  
"What they think doesn't matter!" I barked at him, a shrill side to my voice rising. I ignored the cry that tried to wriggle through my throat.  
"No, but what sempai thinks of me… Matters… He's just confirmed it… He didn't need me in his life…" His eyes were completely closed now, the pain still engraved in his features. "It's not your fault, Masaki. But even if you might care right now… As you're holding me… I was merely a replacement for my brother…"  
It shot me straight through the heart, as he said that. Why. Why did it have to go this way… I just wanted to comfort him, follow him, make it up to him. But no matter how painful it was for me, that was only in the beginning. Sure, it might still hurt for both of us right now, but god, damn. I only just realized how much pressure Tetsuhiro had to go through, as he mumbled to me some of the things his classmates said while I was away. Words that were made in their mouths, after hearing the rumors.  
"The point is, they don't want me, for who I am. Everyone in our hometown… They don't want me, and neither does my family." A long, deep breath of air.  
The wailing of an ambulance approached, and several men carrying a stretcher rushed over.  
His last words. _Please. Don't die._  
The tears streamed down my cheeks, as my whole face began to screw together, a numbness creeping into my throat and jaw. I was losing control of the sobs that were about to be drawn from my voice.  
Tetsuhiro was being carried onto the stretcher, and I followed him to the ambulance.  
"But what matters most… Is Souichi Tatsumi. If he doesn't want me either, that just proves… I have no more reason to exist… You see, Masaki…" His hand extended shakily from the stretcher, as he was almost completely pulled into the doors. He weakly touched the right side of my face, to wipe away my tears. "I only created… A delusion for myself. Now… Nothing that happened between us matters, between him and I. I love him… But he…" He was making such an effort to speak. I couldn't believe he was bothered to still explain everything, despite the agony writhing through his every nerve. "… Hates me. If that's so… I can't go on living…"  
My eyes widened, and more tears poured down my face, as I opened my mouth to cry.  
The men shut the door, and began to drive away. _Please, don't die._  
_Those last sentences. Those were the exact same things I said._  
I broke down, crying, bawling my eyes out, as some of the people around us came over, ask me what happened, tried comforting me. But all I could do was shake my head, cry some more, unable to speak through the wild cries.

Tetsuhiro's POV

I was getting tired, and my mind felt like it was detaching from the physical body. Where the pain lingered in my stomach.  
_Souichi doesn't want you. He's confirmed everything your hometown has taught you. You should've learned long ago, that nobody can just accept you._  
So was that why I probably made this delusion? I asked myself.  
_Possibly._  
Does sempai really hate me that much?  
_Sempai's an honest man, and you know it._  
Why can't he love me?  
_Because you're everything a person wouldn't want in you. Nobody liked you in middle school, after the incident. You should've learned from there. It was all your fault. Right from birth, you were destined for downfall. Your parents, your brother, your school, the entire town couldn't wait for you to leave once you were of legal age. You did the right thing, leaving, getting out of their lives. You should've done the same with Sempai a long time ago. He didn't need you, yet there you were, blackmailing him, shoving your feelings at him, though he made it so clear he doesn't like you that way._  
It hurt, as more and more parts of me realized that was all reality. The reality I had refused to acknowledge until the moment Sempai unleashed the truth on me.  
It was all a delusion, thinking he accepted my feelings.  
Please. Stop. No more.  
But my mind continued to rewind everything that happened since the rumors. It wasn't just about sempai anymore. It was about my complete, and sole existence in this world.  
_Faggot!_  
_Ha! _  
_Masaki went through all of this because of you!_  
_Stupid gays. Thinking they can seduce other men against their will._  
_You fucking monster. Driving Masaki to desperation._  
_I'm sorry, Tetsuhiro, the one I really loved was Kunihiro._  
_I'm just a replacement for my brother…_  
_Get out of this house!_  
All the voices, with my scornful classmates, a condemning brother, a previous lover, and my own voice had mixed into a thick, massive toxin to my mind.  
The pain in my stomach began to coil. I didn't like this feeling.  
"Hnng!… Uck!" I could feel the foam, the stomach acid churning, throwing itself out of my mouth. But there was too much pain, too much medicine, too much of both inside. "Ug… Nh!" More foam was coughed out. I was filthy, tired, and dying.  
I couldn't move any more, paralyzed with pain.  
_Souichi Tatsumi. This really is goodbye, isn't it?_  
_  
_  
The lights in the ambulance were blindingly white, but my mind began to slip into complete and utter darkness.  
So this is what death is…  
Or is it another delusion?


	4. Chapter 3

Souichi's POV

I let out a noise halfway between a groan and a sigh. Jesus christ. What was it with Masaki? Well, he was just trying to make things clearer between Morinaga and I. But man. I never thought he'd actually chase Morinaga like that. It can't be helped.  
It was predictable, but a wash of shame flowed through my chest. I was the one who had talked to Morinaga about being partners, scolded him for lying and deceiving, yet here I was, not even trying to help or treat him right. Perhaps I'd actually gone too far.  
Bringing my head down, I buried myself beneath my arms, sitting at the table. I could just fall asleep here. Morinaga was probably going to spend the night at that goddamn Masaki's house anyway. Tch. Why was I thinking about that? Why was I so concerned?  
A vibration occurred in my pocket, and it made me jolt out of the compressed position I sat in. My cellphone. Hurriedly taking it out, I hoped it was Morinaga.

Why was I hoping for things like that?  
When I checked the caller ID, it said it was his cellphone, indeed. Vaguely feeling relieved, I flipped open the phone, and answered.  
"Moshi moshi, Morinaga?"  
"Souichi-san." Upon the realization that it wasn't Morinaga's voice, I froze.  
"Masaki? What are you doing with Morinaga's cellphone?"  
"I didn't have your number, so I needed to use his. Anyway, just listen." A sniffle at the end of the line. His voice was thick, too. It sounded like he had a cold… No, it sounded more like crying. But why would he be? I was probably making assumptions too quick.  
"What is it?"  
"I'm calling you, to tell you that Morinaga's been rushed-" His voice was breaking. A lump of confusion welled its' way up into my throat. "To… Agh-" At that moment, it was as if he had just let out a force in his voice that had been suppressed.  
"Rushed to…?" I clutched the phone tighter. Where could Morinaga have gone to?  
"The hospital." He finished, wild sobs loud and clear from the other side.  
"Whoa- What? Masaki, Masaki, calm down, explain everything from the beginning." Could that idiot have gotten injured?  
"He- Hu…ck!" Sobbing between his words, he tried to continue his sentence. "Stole… Pills. A whole bottle from- Ugh a nearby store… Took… so many…" At that point, his words broke off, leaving him in a mess of tears and cries.  
"Did he… Don't tell me." The horror ran through my spine like an electrical shock. "He overdosed himself?"  
"Mm… Yeah- Hck, nn, ugh… Aaah!" He was completely broken. All I could hear was crying, and I hated the sound of it. Even though I didn't really like him, the sound of him crying like that just sent a sickness floating within me. "I'll… Tell you… Why later…! Ugh, ick… Aagggh!"  
"Goddammit! I'm going! Which hospital is it?"  
"I'll- Go with you…" For the first time, I agreed with this man. The door to our apartment room flew open, and I bolted down the stairs, without caring about tripping or twisting an ankle or anything. I sprinted my way out, to where Masaki said he was, and we both continued to sprint to the hospital, which wasn't too far away.  
_That fucking idiot! Why woud he- Agh! He doesn't fucking play fair, he never does._  
He's not playing anymore. The realization hit me all of a sudden. Morinaga wasn't the kind of person who would do this for fun. I should've known, he was serious about feeling things for me.  
I continued to sprint, Masaki right behind me, as we neared the hospital.  
My heart rate was wild, adrenaline exploding everywhere inside me. _I don't love him, why am I thinking so fucking deep into this?_  
_What if I do feel something for him?_  
_Why the fuck is this in my head right now? The point is I just fucking care about him, that's why I agreed to the contract, so he could fucking stay._  
I gasped aloud, whilst running. I cared about him. I just admitted that. But in what way?  
Agh fuck, never mind such daft questions! Morinaga just overdosed, and it's my fucking fault, because who else's could it fucking be?  
"Tch. _Shit!"_ I put a hand to my forehead, as a vague pain began to form itself inside my skull. I was thinking too much about it. Covering my eyes, a thin stream began to flow from them. Sniffling, I killed all noise that could escape me. But Masaki saw straight through it.  
"Souichi-san… *pant* Could you be crying?"  
"Shut up…

- At the hospital -

Tetsuhiro's POV

Everything was dark, silent. In my head, at least. It was all peaceful, as if I was floating in space. Was this… Death? A sudden thickness blocked up my entire lungs, my stomach. I couldn't breathe.

…

"Hck- Augghh! Hnngh! Mph-" The sudden urge to vomit overcame me. I was about to, but something stopped it from coming out of my mouth. Tears came to my eyes, and they shot open, making me wish I hadn't done so. The light was blindingly bright, to the extent where I had to re-shut my eyes.  
No. All too soon, the peace of the dark, black world had to come to an end. Just so I could return to the world of coldness. A world where nobody wanted you, but yet it was part of the law to keep you alive. A world that practically promoted torture.  
So why'd they bring me back, so I could take in more of the fact that I wasn't needed? So I could have it slapped in my face, and shoved in my heart, that the one man I loved too truly, didn't and would never love me back? More tears dripped down my face, as I failed to inhale enough air while the pills and vomit were being pumped out.  
The reality bit into my throbbing head, that I was going to live.  
_No. No… No no no no no no!_  
I wanted to shout, but only managed to let out gasps of nausea, repeating over and over again.  
It was torture. Being welcomed back to the world, when I was on the verge of dying. Death had such a warmer greeting. It offered the peace, the serenity of evading all kinds of pain.  
I was about to pass out again, the pain was too much to handle. But enough to keep me awake.

How long had gone by?

My mind couldn't think straight, and some bits of my memory was already disappearing from what had happened a few quick heartbeats ago.

The pain of having my stomach pumped was engraved into my memory. But it seemed nearly impossible that only a few moments passed by since the experience. I saw the light of the hospital, shining in my eyes. They began to tear, because all I could do was squeeze my lids shut, and it was still too much.

I couldn't move my hands, my mouth, or any body parts properly. Everything felt so dead, like it was out of my control. My speech was slurred, and all that could move quick were my thoughts, but that in itself was also failing from the trauma that just mixed me up here.

The pain of the overdose was still lingering.

Christ. How long was it going to stay?

My blood felt toxic and heavy. I knew I'd have to take more medication later… I had studied this in biology with Souichi from the univers-

Souichi. The moment his name came up in my head, I wanted to die again. No. No please no.

But strangely enough, there was a small bit inside me that wanted to live. Live, so I could seem him some more, as if the pain wasn't enough. However, this part of me protested that there was more to it than just pain. I wasn't entirely convinced, though. Maybe it was me being delusional all over again.

_You see._ I thought, like I was talking to the world. _That's why I'm better off dead, if I can't get rid of this delusion._

The wind blew my sweat-drenched hair from my forehead on which it was matted. The bed I lay on was being rushed to another room.

Please. No more medication… No more. No more pain, please…

Masaki's POV

I hurriedly sprinted into the reception with Souichi in front of me. I knew it was an emergency, but this was the ER, couldn't he at least be a little more careful of the patients that could come close?

Perhaps he cared more about Tetsuhiro than I thought. "Miss, um, I need to see Tetsuhiro Morinaga, straight away! He's just overdosed, and I heard he was somewhere in this hospital, I need to see him straight away! Please!"

"Yes, coming right up…" God, I could see the heat rising in him. This man, he claimed not to care for anything, for the sake of his well-protected pride, to maintain the appearance of his ego. But when push came to shove, his colors really showed, and they were vibrant.

I saw the fire in his eyes, begging her to hurry, as he knew we might not make it, considering the amount Tetsuhiro downed from that Aspirin Bottle.

"Are you a family Member?"

"N-no…" Souichi looked down in defeat, sweat running down his neck. God, it must be excruciating, having such long hair when you're getting this hot.

"I'm sorry sir, but you cannot gain permission to visit him unless you have proved what your relationship with him is."

"I-I'm married to him!" He lied.

Shocked, I tried to hold down the gasp, as I looked at him up and down after saying that.

Souichi's POV

"I-I live with him, as well. You can check the address and personal information and where we live, for all I know, if you don't believe me. I really need to see him, please. He overdosed because of me and-" I began to lose the calmness in my voice, stuttering and having abrupt pauses mid-sentence.

Without asking to see the wedding ring, or any certificates whatsoever, the receptionist miraculously led me to a private room. My heart pounded, as I questioned myself… What was I doing?

Looking at the door, my eyes knowing that I was getting closer and closer, about to open it, I prepared myself for whatever was behind. _Tetsuhiro…_

I swallowed, trying to hold back cries.

Click.

The doorknob turned, and I walked in to see an unconscious Tetsuhiro lying in the corner, on a bed made of only white. In fact, it matched the entire room, the whiteness almost screaming to us, their hospital's sanitariness. "Te… Tetsuhi… ro…" My eyes widened behind the glasses, and my mouth dropped open.

Pacing over to the bed he was in, I looked at the EKG next to him, sending constant 'beeps' to show his heart rate.

_Please. Don't stop beating._

I silently prayed, as I sat beside him, and reached for a hand that was lying limply next to his comatose body. Turning my head back for permission, I felt my eyes go glossy, and the lady nodded.

"You have twenty minutes." She said.

"Please, let me stay here for the night. I've done medical studies on biology, and I've taken care of him for some time after marriage." I stretched the truth a little bit by adding the word 'marriage'. But the lady, either being fatefully oblivious, or generous and pretending not to know better, nodded and left the room. There was a gentle thud where the door was, and we were left in utter silence, except for the hopeful sound coming from the EKG, promising life.

Life, that was barely showing, through his cold skin, color-drained face, and motionless limbs. I took ahold of his hand, and buried my own smaller hand in the large, wide palm.

Elbows on my knees, I bowed down my head, and began to sob.

Nobody was here. Masaki was gone, the doctors were busy, and it was just me. And him.

Crying, the sobs grew louder, and more frequent. One by one, I gradually turned shameless about crying. "Please… Live for me. God damn me and my fucking pride for doing this to you, I just want you to live. I agreed-" A choke. The weeping was getting out of hand. "to the c-contract… so you'd say… So w-what… _Difference_ would the contract… m-make if you… l-leave me…?" I managed to put the words together before I lost all senses in my jaw, sorrow and remorse washing over me like a tsunami.

The hand I held, it was so cold. It wasn't like the usual Tetsuhiro I knew, who would've held my fingers back, smiled warmly.


	5. Chapter 4

~ Masaki's POV ~

It astonished me, how he was willing to sacrifice his pride, tear down that homophobic wall he created around him, for the sake of his friend… Or lover.

Perhaps the impossible really could become possible, in such cases like this. Souichi may have realized his own feelings for Tetsuhiro, lying about marriage, just to visit him one last time before he possibly died.

As the lady walked out of the door, she nodded at me, then walked past. Of course, I wasn't allowed to visit him since I was no family member, and I could never find the courage to lie about things like this anyway. I looked down, brushed away the tear lying on my cheek, and walked out of the hospital. All I could do now was pray that Tetsuhiro'd make it, that Souichi and him would break through the roughness in our paths now. Looking back up, I found the strength in me to turn around, walk out the hospital. I'd have to give them a call later.

~ Tetsuhiro's POV ~

I lay on the bed, my mind staying frozen and fixed, unwilling to let my senses to break through. It was a padlock on the willpower of my body. All I could see was black… Hearing nothing other than the silence… Pain seeping in and out of my inner core… Everything felt so heavy to move.

There was nothing I wanted to do, at this rate. I couldn't feel my body, but in this lonely world of my head, I just sat down, curling up with my head tucked under my arms, knees huddled to my chest. Just let me enjoy the silence of near-death, before I'm greeted with nothing but agony again.

(Mori…! Ga! …rinaga!)

In the darkness, I looked back up again. But there was nothing, and I knew at that moment that my mind was going to start playing the tricks again. It wasn't just the reality of nobody wanting me that felt tormenting, but my own mind now, too… Always reminding me of these things.

It was gone… The voice. Proof that it was my mind. Just then…

(Morinaga!) A deep, but panicked voice yelled out my name. This voice… It was so familiar. The hand on my right felt a sudden warmth, tightly grasping around it.

?!

It was impossible. I was crouching here in the darkness, nobody was with me in this empty world. But what was this warmth, grasping so desperately to my hand? There was a palm, fingers, and a rising heat. Almost like a real person. It only just hit me, that it wasn't the empty void in my head doing this. It was coming from something on the outside. The voice that had been calling out my name earlier grew in volume. As if a soul drifted to my ear, a whisper sounded to my right.

"Morinaga… Ugh… Don't you dare fucking leave this world. Hck!" There were sobs between Souichi's words, and my heart jumped out of my ribs, making me jolt out of the bed.

The world wasn't as blindingly white as I had expected. Colors, floating to my sight, were condensed in an illegible blur. My eyes were wide open, but it was taking time for me to interpret my sights correctly, like a camera sharpening its' definition.

Gradually, the blur that showed itself before my eyes began to minimize, sharpen down to a point where everything was clear.

"S-Souichi?!" My painfully dry mouth managed to croak out, and now, everything was clear.

The light-colored mane of hair, his glasses, reflectively shining in my eyes. They were translucent, showing his beautiful hazel eyes. The one person I hadn't expected to see, and here he was, before my eyes, and his lips were so close it made my heart dance a ballad.

"Morinaga! Do-do you remember what happened?" No words came out of my mouth, but I was left gaping at him. This man, so beautiful yet so controlling, was standing before me at the hospital, asking of I remembered everything. So did he really care about me that way?

"S-Say something… Morinaga!" His voice cracked at the end, tears floating to his eyes, dripping down. The pitch of his voice had been raised as well as his volume.

"A-ah… S-se… Sempai?"

"Morinaga!" At that, he just lost it. Clinging to me like I was his life, he put his head next to mine, crying into my shoulder. The loud weeps sounded so vulnerable, so relieved, and he was unleashing all those emotions. My mouth was dry and it hurt, but I had to speak.

"Sempai! Why are you here?"

"You just… don't… fight fair… Do you?"

"What are you talking about?" My arms came up to hold him as he stood over me while I lay on the bed, still crying into my shoulder. He was hiccuping sobs, unable to control himself.

"It's my fault for saying all that shit-" A gasp for air. "But this… Is too far!"

"Sempai! I thought you wouldn't care about me…?"

"Baka… Does this look like someone who doesn't care for you, coming to the fucking hospital to apologize for pushing you to the edge?" He lifted his head, and looked straight into my eyes. Lowering my lids, facial muscles relaxing, I raised a weak right arm, and slowly pushed him from the back of his head, to my face.

I made it slow, so that he'd have a chance to push me away.

But he didn't. Instead, for the first time, he seemed relaxed about kissing me. Closing his eyes, and tilting our heads, his lips overlapped mine… And from that, I just felt: _Maybe that part of me earlier was right. Maybe I want to live after all. As long as Sempai has these feelings for me, I could live up to a hundred and fifty years old. These lips. They make me remember. There really _is_ more than pain to life._

"Sempai…" I whispered, pulling away. But he hushed me, by putting his lips back onto the kiss. It was only our lips pushing against each other, but god did it feel _good._ My face grew warm, but slightly opening my eyes to peek, his face was dyed in a bright scarlet, hot and alive. I felt myself soon feeling the same, my body starting to gain its' senses.

It felt like I just came back from the dead.

Ever fibre, every nerve in my body had its' own feeling again, and the ones at my lips were tingling with joy. The hands that were by my side on the bed to support his own weight, began to lift up and grab my back, pulling me from the bed. Wrapping themselves around me, so I didn't have to support myself as I was still a bit weak from earlier.

Neither of us could breathe anymore, and we parted our lips for air.

~ Souichi's POV ~

This idiot. What the hell was he thinking when he took those damn pills? But that wasn't so important anymore, at this moment. All that mattered, was that this hugely tall baka was back, and that he wasn't dead.

The instant I parted my lips to breath, his tongue slipped through, and oh my _god._ It was sudden, and made my heart skip a beat, but pulled a moan from my throat. "…Mmhh! Hng… Ah!"

His lips shifted away from my mouth, and slowly slid down to my neck. I wanted to bring my hand up to his head, tell him to slow down, but it was too weak and slow. Morinaga only put his hand to it, grasping it tight, and we were hand in hand while he made me lose more of my sanity, kissing me like this on my neck.

"Hm! Nngh! M-Mori… Naga!" He seemed so different from only a few moments ago, almost dying and colder than death itself. But here he was, sparking with life, and _life_ was running around wildly in both of us.

"You know… If I could be with you like this, and hear such a sweet voice… I actually wouldn't mind living anymore."

Looking at him with a slightly startled face, he closed in, and kissed me. Again.

Again, and again.

And over again.

That was until, a few minutes later,

"Sempai…"

"What is it, Morinaga?" I felt the urge to hold his head in my hands, and put my arms around his neck.

"Please… Don't tell me this is another delusion." His words had me taken a back for a bit.

"Why would you say that?"

"You told me hours ago at the apartment. 'Stop this bullshit about love.' And I thought, was everything really as you said, my own interpretation for convenience? Was I being delusional the entire time?"

"Morinaga…" He looked up, still in my arms.

"It really hurt, sempai." Being the constantly optimistic, and annoyingly stubborn and tough guy he was, I knew that things like these were rare. So I knew, it must have really did. "I just wondered. Apart from my own feelings… why else was I here in your life, since you didn't need me?"

"Don't be fucking stupid!" I lightly but forcefully hit him on the back of his head.

"Hngh!" Shit. I forgot he was in a weaker state, and that must've hurt too, even though it was lighter than most of my other hits.

"Sorry."

"It's fine, but what are you implying?" He was a bit confused.

"I'm saying… Even if I don't need you to financially support me, it doesn't fucking mean I don't need you in my life! Why the fuck would I still let you live with me?"

"Sempai…" His eyes got glossy, and he looked like he was about to cry again. God _damn_ him and his fucking manipulations.

"What the hell was going on in your head, anyway, when you took the goddamn pills? I swear, I could just go the goddamn government and fucking ban the sales of aspirin."

"Sempai… So do you remember of the past I told you about?"

"Eh?"

"The time… When I told you about everyone finding out about Masaki-san and I, having rumors spread wider, claiming I seduced him against his will, and drove him to desperation? When I told you about my family being relieved with my leave of the hometown?"

In an instant, I was aware that what I said earlier to him about love, had possibly triggered worse memories like this in his head. Right away, I realized it was more serious than I thought.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

**Hey everyone. I was just about to finish up chapter 6, for all of those who have been following this story ^_^**

**Unfortunately, my programs crashed, and now, half of chapter 5, and the entire of chapter 6 has disappeared T^T**

**So, please be patient for the next chapter, it might take a while for me to recollect what I wrote.**

**Thanks for all the support!**

* * *

"Morinaga… What about it?" I pushed my glasses back with a finger, and leaned forward as I continued to stand over his body that lay in the bed. "Did what I say, perhaps… Trigger something in you?"

He nodded, face looking at me, but eyes empty like he died again.

"Morinaga…" _Don't look at me like that_ was what I wanted to say, but it never came to my mouth.

"I told you already… It's not Masaki's fault, but… At the time when I was still in my hometown, nobody wanted me, even Masaki."

"What are you talking about? He went out with you-"

"Don't forget, sempai. I was merely a replacement for my brother. He too, didn't want me of course, being a homosexual in that close-minded society." I was taken aback for a moment. But I let him go on. "First, the society. Then, I grew up with the high standards of my parents, who were definitely disappointed with me, when they found out. Until then, I practically died everyday at first, when I found out I was homosexual, and needed to keep it a secret. But I got used to it, then I met Masaki-san. He and my brother were the only people I thought I had left, but I couldn't be sure about Kunihiro. So technically, I really only trusted Masaki. So there we were, happy for having each other. But, that was only my imagination. It was probably a lot more painful for him not being able to have the one he truly loved. To dull his pain, I only served my purpose to him as a substitute. When the time came, for us to be completely exposed, nobody wanted me anymore. Even Masaki." With his head down, his arms that grasped so tightly around me began to fall back to his sides.

_Morinaga… Don't let go like that… It makes me worried… And scared._

There was so much going on in my head, that I could barely utter a word. So all this time, Morinaga really had been dragging the pain with him, but had gotten used to it with such a long period of time? The things I said about him loving or financially supporting me, the way I put my words to make it sound like he was the attacker… Had they awakened those memories?

First, I never knew much about Morinaga's family, but he himself. Even _he_ knew about my family, visiting my house every once in a while, being great friends with my little sister Kanako. But him. While he was always smiling, following and teasing me so joyfully… Was this it? The great pain that Morinaga carried all this time. The dark void full of his secrets that I never knew about?

Had I really not known anything about him, this whole time?

"Oi… Morinaga." I put my hands on his shoulder. "Morinaga. Listen. Even though they may not have wanted you at the time, look at things now. Masaki cares about you, I care about you. Even my family."

"It's okay… Sempai."

His words made me freeze. _What?_

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Sempai… You've done enough for me."

"Mori… Naga…"

"You don't have to do this anymore. It's just a delusion, isn't it? If those things you said at the apartment were your exact feelings for me, then that's okay."

"What are you…" I began, but this time, it was _him_ drifting from _me._

"If those things you said… Were your true feelings… I'm okay with it. I know that this is all another delusion, probably from another of my silly interpretations. You've never said from yourself that you accepted my feelings, it was always me just pushing myself onto you. You don't have to pretend you care, just for my sake. It's okay if you just leave me alone. I'm telling you this is your chance. Don't feel guilty for me if anything happens to me. Because… It's all because of my delusions. I'm never able to get out of them. I thought you loved me, accepted my feelings, but if that were the case, you wouldn't have been so specific about everything back there. Masaki, too. He was probably just feeling guilty because of the past. But if I stay, I'm only going to slow you guys down, with everyone else. You don't have to make this effort to be polite or anything… Anymore."

No. That's not true. None of it was!

What the fuck was going on in his head?

This wasn't like Morinaga. It was Morinaga, but possessed and haunted by his memories. Manipulated from his past's wounds, he was driven to this paranoia, that he was getting in everyone's way. But all of this, was because of what I said to him. It wasn't true that I didn't need him… Did he fucking listen when I told him a few moments ago? That I wouldn't have agreed to the contract if I wanted him to leave that badly?

Morinaga, this isn't like you.

"Oi… Morinaga!" I got up, my face scowled with irritation and impatience with my own thoughts. "Listen to me!" I grasped his shoulders, but his head still didn't look up. I needed to get his attention, before he became more wrapped up in these thoughts. "Morinaga! Oi Morinaga!"

I shook him back and forth, but his head still didn't budge.

_Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep_

It was only just then, that I realized there was something wrong with the background. This beeping… Where was it coming from- Jolting, I looked to my left, next to Morinaga's bed. The EKG.

It was still connected to him, dictating each pulse by pulse.

_Beep beep beep beep beep beep beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep_

Something was wrong. It was increasing rapidly. No way. What was happening?!

"Morinaga! _Morinaga! _Stay with me, fool, what the fuck's going on? Morinaga?…" I lifted his chin with my index finger and thumb, and an unexpected pain was scratched onto his face.

His eyes were wide as can be, blank, looking at nothing, arms dangling to his side. But his mouth was half open, pushing and pulling in air at full speed. His eyebrows were knitted, sweat pouring down his head, matting his beautiful black hair. What was causing this?

"Morinaga! Morinaga!" No response. I tapped his face a couple times, pulled off the sheets to examine any abnormalities, but nothing. Was it something from the inside?

"Someone, help!" I shouted, as I kicked open the door to the room, the EKG continuously beeping. At the yell of my voice, doctors and nurses came over, and they immediately rushed to Morinaga's side, while a single nurse pulled me away from the scene.

"Wh-what are you doing? Let me go!" She was a lady, and much shorter than me, so I tried not to be violent with her.

"Sir, please stand back!" She protested. "They're trying to find what the cause is, and they're going to give him an anesthetic to calm him down for now, please, let them perform this."

"!…" I gasped, then, gliding my eyes over to where he lay, I watched him get rushed out from the door, pushed by the other doctors and nurses.

_Morinaga._

_I've lost him._

_Again._

Tetsuhiro's POV

_It was all a delusion, wasn't it?_

"Morinaga-san! Please, stay conscious!" One of the nurses to my side yelled. The hospital light was so damn bright in my eyes, as I just lay like this.

_When will things just be simple? Sempai… _

"Nurse, get the anesthetic from shelf B!" A doctor barked at one of the nurses.

"Yes, doctor!" I could hear her footsteps frantically clicking away on the hard ground of the hospital.

_It's one thing for him to lash out at me, be honest that he doesn't care…_

_But for him to pretend he cares, just because he feels guilty… _

_It only proves I really am getting in his way._

A sharp pain entered my left inner elbow, and I realized it was probably the anesthesia coursing into me through the needle of the injection. Everything was going numb, and I could feel myself turning sluggish. The only pain that remained was the one in my head, and the slight aching from the overdosing. Ridiculous. It was still hurting after all this time.

My lips could barely move, as the muscles surrounding my jaws felt like the blood had been drained. Still, I managed to murmur, but wasn't sure myself about the words that came out. It didn't matter, I was going to die again anyway. My body was still weak from the overdose, and with my heart rate up like this, I could practically kill myself, or so I thought.

"Sem… Pai… Hnnn… Rrrgh… you… Huurr… _don't… have…_ for- Huuugh… Me."

It felt terribly drowsy in my head, and the overwhelming urge to fall into deep began to overcome me. It was the hospital. They'd keep me fine. But most of all, I just wanted to forget the scars that were tearing their way back into my memories. Please, just don't come back.

Silently praying I'd stay forever asleep, I allowed myself to close these eyes.

A deep, black void welcomed me, for the second time. This time, I was staying there for good.

Souichi's POV

The crowd around Morinaga began to slowly dissipate, backing away from him as they reconnected him to an EKG, his heartbeat steadying. So have they finally calmed him down?

"Tatsumi-san…" One of the doctors approached me with a grim face, the shadows around it seemingly ten times darker than the usual human color contrast.

"Is he… alright?"

"Tatsumi-san… For now, we managed to calm him down. But only with anesthesia. It seems there is a severe problem with his psychological. He may need brain examinations, and furthermore, not just counseling, but prescribing medicines. His body has weakened drastically ever since the overdose, and with such a physical state, the chemical imbalances in his brain have been much worse, considering his already depressed psychological. The reason his heartbeat rapidly increased moments ago, was very likely to be something triggering in his thoughts, because once we have made him lose consciousness, his pulse returned to original speed. We'll be undergoing a brain examination soon for him. If you wish to stay by his side, please come back in two days, or if anything happens, we'll give you an phone call to tell you it's urgent. Since you are his spouse, please be sure to tell his other family members as well, we're sure they'd like to know."

My feet automatically stumbled back, trying to accept everything going on with my brain. It took me a while, but I managed to nod slowly, and processed the words "I… Understand…" But I couldn't just stop there. "He actually… Doesn't have other family members who would care for this… They're in his hometown, but the last time I contacted them they told me they didn't know anything of his whereabouts."

"Oh… Alright then. Just tell his friends, as he'll need all the support he can get."

_But if I stay, I'm only going to slow you guys down, with everyone else. You don't have to make this effort to be polite or anything… Anymore._

Those words, they echoed in my head. But none of them were true. We did care for him, and this wasn't just because we wanted to be polite because he was alive or anything. Just real feelings for him. But it seems I've put him under the influence that he's in a delusion if he's ever happy about anything.

Not. Fucking true. He can be happy, and that's exactly what we all want for each other. Even he, back at the apartment, was so desperately pleading to apologize, take care of me because he wanted me to be happy. I was just so taken over with my ego, I couldn't let him pass by with such an independent thing to say to me.

"Yes. I'll… Return for now. Please give me a call once he's conscious." The doctor nodded, and watched me turn my back.

"Tatsumi-san… One more thing."

I whipped my head back, and the doctor continued. "Before he completely slipped out of consciousness, he said those very words… 'Sempai, not your fault… you don't have to care for me.' It's nothing I understand, but it seemed like such a desperate thing for a patient to say just before they know they're going to black out. I had to tell you."

It struck me in my heart like a spear. Immediately looking back down, tears began to well up in my eyes, and I had to kill down the voice of crying that threatened me from the bottom of my throat.

"T-thank… you." With that, I turned on my heel, and left the hospital with full speed, charging out the doors, not even holding myself back as I cried with all I had. I didn't care anymore if others saw me, I just couldn't take it. Why did I care for him so much? I don't know, but I felt like if I didn't something was missing in my life.

That kiss back in the hospital bed. Did he not know my feelings behind it?

That I was willing to accept him?

I guess, what I said really was more serious than I thought. Morinaga said it wasn't my fault, but of fucking course it was. Morinaga himself followed me like a puppy dog, but this… He was being too nice, too overly considerate, to be willing to sacrifice his existence just because he thought people didn't really care.

Sniffling, I couldn't stop bawling my eyes out. I really hoped everything was going to be okay. It fucking had to.

I could see my dirty blonde hair hanging over my eyes, as I bent over, so my face was completely hanging down while I cried.

His friends needed to know immediately about this.

Taking out my cellphone, I dialed the first number I could think of, Masaki's. Then I'd call Morinaga's closest friends, Yamaguchi, and the other teenagers who were panicked and worried sick when Morinaga disappeared for the second time, after I told him I didn't want to see his face for doing it with me beyond my will.

_Morinaga… Don't you dare die on me._


	7. Chapter 6

Masaki's POV

It had been two weeks, ever since the day Souichi announced to all of us about Tetsuhiro's second black-out. From then on, the man who was walking in front of me, had been visiting him everyday, sometimes even staying overnight.

Souichi. The man who yelled at me on the first day we met, hated homosexuals, and beat anybody who pissed him off even the slightest bit, was sacrificing his ego. His pride didn't seem to matter anymore, because all he had been doing so far, was visit Tetsuhiro all day, all night, some days even completely skipped out from the university they worked at.

This was why, I couldn't hate him. If it were anybody else, I would've kept a mental note to myself to permanently condemn them for doing things like this to Tetsuhiro, but this guy. He never seemed to be the type who would do such things for the sake of someone else. It was rare for me to see him become so compassionate for a person who wasn't even part of his family, a person whom he hated the shit out of for a sexual incident.

I thought people like Souichi would've abandoned Tetsuhiro, but things must've took a turn from what I had been expecting. He cared for Tetsuhiro, because they were partners. He cared for Tetsuhiro, because of more reasons that I didn't know, and I knew I didn't have the right to.

But it was nice, seeing him dedicate all his time, to care for someone like this. _Tetsuhiro should know, _I thought. _He should know that all of this isn't some petty delusion he made for himself. Sure, Souichi may not have shown this much caring for anyone outside his family like this, but that doesn't make his actions for you from two weeks ago, a facade. Souichi barely shows this much emotion, _therefore_ it's true. Therefore, he cares, and frankly, so do we._

I continued to walk, hands in my pockets, and tried to quicken my pace to catch up with the advancing Souichi.

When we reached the inside, he went back to the receptionist, reminded her he was 'married' to Tetsuhiro, and was bringing me along as one of their closer friends.

The receptionist gladly got up, led us back to the room Tetsuhiro rested in.

Inside, we were back with the body that had been so peacefully silent, motionless as a statue, for two weeks. Souichi and I sat down on the chair beside the wrinkled, messy bed in which our friend lay.

"Souichi…" Without thinking, my mouth proceeded to ask on its' own.

"Yes?"

"Do you… Have feelings for Tetsuhiro?" God, this was one that I was actually curious to know. For all I knew, Tetsuhiro was head over heels for this man, despite his violence, tantrums and short temper. But how did Souichi feel?

I saw him tense up, but his face still looked down without changing direction. "I… Um… Before some time back these past few weeks, I didn't. But, now, I don't think I can say that anymore." He looked up at Tetsuhiro, putting some flowers in the vase beside the bed. Vagueness laced his answer, but I knew what he meant. He couldn't just be straightforward about it, and I knew why. His pride was always there, of course. But I felt that even the long-term homophobia that clung to him, was beginning to fade for Tetsuhiro's sake.

Souichi's POV

Goddammit. _How long are you going to fucking leave us here, waiting for you to wake up, Morinaga? Don't leave me here, to answer to these pride-wrecking questions. I'll admit I have feelings for you, goddammit, so just… Come back._

I only continued to study Tetsuhiro's frozen body, like a scientist studying a bug through the magnifying glass. Every inch of his flesh stayed still, even his breathing was subtle because his chest didn't move up or down much.

It's been two weeks.

Even though Tetsuhiro had just a little anxiety attack, with the state his body was in, it was too much. I'd explain to him later, that the doctors said he needed to be put in a two week coma, so there'd be enough time for his body to restore its' health, and increase immunity towards these anxiety attacks or any diseases. Because if he'd remained without rest, and stayed the same as he was before, the anxiety attacks would only continue for longer. So I knew, it was about time, he'd wake up today. I didn't know when exactly, but today. Even if the sun had rolled down the hills and moonlight was present, I wouldn't care; I wasn't leaving the hospital until I'd made sure that Tetsuhiro had woke the fuck up, and listened to the words I had had to save up for two fucking weeks.

"Mm…"

A deep moan from in front. Immediately shooting my head up, I saw Tetsuhiro's face wince quickly, then return to his normal state. "M… Ngh…" I saw his arms rise, hands to his face to rub his eyes open.

_No fucking way. No way… No way!_ My face almost twisted up to a smile, as I got up from my seat.

"Morinaga! Morinaga! Morinaga!" I shouted three times like I was insane. Never had I been this happy before in my life, just seeing him wake up. _Please, don't let anything mess this up._

I put my hands to his shoulders, and his eyes widened.

Tetsuhiro's POV

The little dark void I sat in began to close its' way in, crushing me. I'd never had claustrophobia before, but it was birthing in me, growing inside. The void refused to let me stay in any longer, when I heard these voices.

Voices.

Deep, like men's. But I somehow recognized them. One of them was from a childhood friend's, one of them… Was the one I loved with all my life.

Slowly, as my mind came to surface, the dark room began to change color, shift into glass, so light shone through. I could feel a second pair of arms, arms that also belonged to me, even though in my head, in this room, I already had a pair. They felt like real arms, that had just had their senses return in them. I felt them rub my eyes, and I realized, I also had a second pair of eyes, but these were my real ones. I was looking from the perspective of a body inside a body.

This was a dream, from which I was awakening.

Soon, the room walls weren't even glass anymore, as a shatteringly loud, and enthusiastic "_Morinaga! Morinaga! Morinaga!"_ rang in my ears.

The voice of the man I loved so dearly… It was the first time I had ever heard it sound so happy in my life. Usually it was grim, or angry like thunder, but today… Was I still dreaming?

No, I wasn't. My real eyes had fully opened, and the body that owned that voice, appeared before me.

Light, champagne blond hair, hazel eyes behind the translucence of his glasses. The narrow face on which they were fixed on. It took me three seconds, before everything in my memory organized itself. _Souichi Tatsumi_.

"Se-senpai!" My eyes widened, from shock, allowing me to capture everything I saw into full view.

"Morinagaa!" He was the happiest man I had ever seen in the world, at this moment, and his arms wrapped themselves around me. Senpai wrapped his arms around me, and my entire body gained its' senses. Every nerve in me felt the blood gushing through, and my whole face heated with adrenaline.

"Senpai… How long was I out? Ah, Masaki-san!" I raised an arm to wave at him, and he smiled back at me while Senpai had his face buried in my shoulder.

"Hey, Tetsuhiro…" His face was warm as ever, and they looked truly happy to see me. Looking back at Senpai, he lifted his face off of my shoulder, that grin still fixed to his face. "Two weeks." He said shortly.

"T-two weeks?!"

Masaki nodded at it. "I'll explain," I stared blankly at him, still confused and shocked from everything going on. "When you and Souichi talked the last time, when you were still suicidal, and had thoughts rushing around in your head, you got an anxiety attack-" I instantly remembered what happened the last time we tried speaking. The struggle for air, relentless flow of heartbeats in me, the adrenaline too much to bear. Nonetheless, he continued. "So the doctors gave you anesthesia so you'd be under a two week coma. Souichi told everyone what happened, and he'd been visiting you everyday since. Some of those guys like Yamaguchi from your school came, too. You needed the coma so your body would get enough rest, otherwise you would've been too weak and get anxiety attacks easily, like last time. But now, the doctors say your body should be at least stable. You're gonna need counseling, unless you tell them what happened,-"

"That's enough, thanks Masaki." Souichi thanked him, and Masaki nodded, sitting calmly in his seat.

"Se-senpai… Why is everyone still concerned… I thought I said last time, it wasn't your fault, and you didn't have to be polite just because you'd feel guilty for my becoming like this-"

"Baka!" He lightly hit the top of my head, like a parent.

"Eh?" I was confused, and looked straight at him, from the bed I sat in.

"You've known me for five years, we're the closest to each other as partners. You should know by now, that I'm not the kind of person who would go out of my way to sacrifice my pride, and visit someone I don't care about!"

"What are you saying?" A small hope began to rise inside me. It was making some sense.

"I'm saying. If I didn't care about you, I'd only have the others come see you! I wouldn't fucking come here, just to see you wake up from your coma! I fucking care about you!"

Souichi's POV

At that moment, something came to my thoughts, and it was Morinaga's words, before his second blackout. _You've never said from yourself that you accepted my feelings, it was always me just pushing myself onto you. _That was right. This idiot was probably still thinking that he was only a nuisance to us, that we were pretending to care so that he wouldn't kill himself.

At this point, I had to confess to him, no more hiding of how I felt.

"I- I fucking love you!" Those words made Morinaga stop his breath, and stare at me with widened eyes. It looked like tears were about to stream out of his eyes at any moment. "You said to me, during the argument, I had never said from myself that I accepted your feelings, and that it was always you pushing yourself onto me. Even when I was trying to tell you it wasn't a delusion, you denied it, kept saying we didn't have to pretend to care, but guess what, we _do_ care, whether you fucking like it or not! I fucking love you! It's not a delusion, but it's almost like you _want_ it to be one. Just… Accept it. Because I've accepted your feelings, since the day of the argument. You shouldn't known, if I didn't care, I wouldn't have _kissed_ you, considering the kind of pride I held before!"

My hands were on his shoulders, and my face fell to look down, away from him so he didn't see the tears flowing from my face.

"Senpai… I honestly thought everything was just my own interpretation for convenience, since that was what you said it was before… That I wasn't really needed. But aside from my un-accepting, closed family… The friends who turned their backs on me at the school… Even if they didn't need me, people like you, Masaki, Yamaguchi and the university guys did. I just didn't realize it. I just thought you guys were being polite all this time."

"So now you see? Now do you understand, Morinaga?" He nodded to my question. "What the fuck kind of conclusion was that, anyway? Killing yourself."

"I… Senpai. I'm sorry."

"Did you really think I'd just understand, and let go? That I…" I choked back a sob. "Wouldn't feel anything?" By this time, I was staring straight at him, a stream flowing down my face.

"Senpai!" He pulled in, lips crashing upon mine. This time, he kissed me, and it was refreshening, shocking and breathtaking all at the same time.

Up till now, the body that seemed so cold and lifeless without any motion, turned from a statue to a living human. One with heat, warmth and kindness seeping into my mouth through him.

Morinaga…

I didn't see any more reason to hold back. _Forget the pride you held, Souichi. Forget your pride as a homosexual-hating person. If the person you love makes both of you homosexual, so be it._ I kissed him back with force, without restraining ourselves, now that his health was fully restored.

He sat up from his hospital bed, and put his arm around my neck, other hand pushing my face to his. Our lips overlapped like waves by the shore, back and forth. It wasn't enough. I'd been patient for two weeks, and I think Morinaga was feeling the pressure as well because he began to open his mouth, forcing mine to do the same. Tongues slid into the action as they collided, and gave me the wonderful sensation of being filled.

For a moment, I peeked though the kiss and so did he. Pulling slightly away, a thin string of sliver formed between our tongues. "Senpai… You're all red."

"Sh-shut up, Morinaga!" I felt my face heat even more, as he taunted me with that warm smile. As soon as they came to my sight, I didn't care anymore. The smile had been gone for two weeks, and it was about time it came to sight.

Wiping away the wetness created on my lower lip, I looked behind, to find Masaki awkwardly looking away into the corner as if he was occupied by something else. I almost wanted to snicker at how funny the situation was.

"Hehe, I think we've made it a bit awkward for Masaki-san." Morinaga chuckled, as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"Ahaha, not really… Come on, we should tell the nurse that he's awake." Masaki smiled warmly, heading out, gesturing for me to follow so we could spread the news.


	8. Chapter 7 (FINAL)

Tetsuhiro's POV

"Tetsuhiro!"

"Jesus, thank god!"

"You're back!"

I was honestly surprised to be greeted so warmly back at the university. Senpai and I were working in our lab, when suddenly, after the bell rang for the break, a stream of classmates came storming through our door, startling both of us.

"Tetsuhiro! We were so fricking worried about you!" Yamaguchi flung his arms around me like a brotherly hug.

"Morinaga senpai!" A younger classmate came and greeted me.

"You guys… I'm sorry about what happened."

"You better be!" This time, it was Souichi who barked at me.

"Kya!"

"Uwah!" his usual angry tone was back, being the tyrant he was. It startled everyone for a second. Oh well, he was _my _tyrant, I didn't mind, especially now that everything was back.

"Haha, I promise, I won't ever doubt myself like that again, or any of you guys. I just, got a bit carried away with some negative thinking."

"Not just a bit, you got _way too fucking carried away!_" One of my other male classmates shouted.

When the time came for all of us to leave the university to go home, Senpai followed me. "Eh! Senpai? You don't want to go home today?"

"Of course I fucking don't! God knows what will happen the next time I take my eyes off you!" He yelled at me as we walked ahead the path.

"Ahahaha, Senpai!" I was honestly happy to know that the man I loved had finally returned my feelings. "You're really a good person." I hugged him tightly.

Souichi's POV

"Let go of me, baka! We're in public!" But being back to his normal state, he was completely stubborn again. At least, he got back to knowing the value of being alive. So he just kept hugging me for a while as we walked back to his house.

As we got to his house, he immediately dropped down our bags, he turned to me, and tackled me onto the couch. "Ah… Senpai. Before I force myself onto you again…"

This unnecessary caution he took… Actually it wasn't unnecessary.

He was trying to consider what I could've wanted.

"Do you want to do it on the couch, or the bed?" His face was inches away from mine, and it made me heat up instantly, feelings getting harder and harder to hide.

On the bed, all I had left on was my unbuttoned shirt, and he was on top of me, stark naked. He was trying to help me take everything off.

Within minutes, I was lying beneath his sweat-covered body, as his heavy breaths synchronized to my loud, uncontrollable moans and cries. The pleasure that permeated my skin throughout was sweet as ever, after the two weeks of loneliness.

"S-senpai…"

"Morinaga!" I cried out, throwing back my head as he slammed into me with one last thrust.

"I love you!" he yelled out, and I grabbed onto him, my legs wrapping instantly around his back.

"Don't… Ever leave me." I whispered, and we both calmed down, minds at peace once again.

"I won't, Senpai." He kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: Hey everyone!**

**Thank you so much for the kind words in the review, it kept me motivated to continue this fan fiction! I've been very busy lately, so I might not write as quickly, for new fan fictions, but that can depend :3**

**Once again, I appreciate all the kind words and greetings, I've never received more kind comments on any websites/social networks ^_^**

**- AchromaticPhoenix**

**P.s. I'm probably going to write a fan fiction based on the game DRAMAtical Murder, so for anyone who likes it, stay tuned, and I hope for the best to come.**


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